When will it by my turn I kept hearing myself say: I was doing everything right.
I took all the supplements
I tried IUI’s
I did IVF
I did everything I was supposed to do, at exactly the prescribed time
so WHY!!! Why had I not fallen pregnant yet??
Why was the universe parading pregnant women in front of me, everywhere I went?
Why did every single woman in our group of friends, conceive and birth their baby and we were still trying. It was like the universe was rubbing my nose in the fact that we did not have our much wanted bundle of joy.
People offered comfort in the form of words such as “It’s just not the right time” or “the timing wasn’t right”.
Wow, I really hated hearing those sentences, I really despised those words. They did not bring me any sort of comfort and left me feeling more misunderstood and alone than ever.
It wasn’t until I found the power within to actually explore those words “not the right time” that I came to understand them.
Fertility (I know now) is a journey that involves at least three souls, more often, it involves a village. In my case, I hadn’t realised that there was: Me, my partner, my spirit baby, my sister, my mother, my father, my ex-partner, my two sons and my partners family – all involved in the conception process, in a roundabout, spiritual way. There was a lot of “stuff” to be cleared from my path, before I was truly able to feel the full flow of what fertile truly means.
Over the years, we all collect unconscious thoughts, patterns and beliefs and these were lurking on my path, a little bit like the encounters that Dorothy had as she travelled the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz. My journey followed a similar path to Dorothy on her quest and as I came across each of the characters and situations, I became the characters, navigating the challenges and stiving for those same things within myself: Self Confidence, Compassion and Courage.
As I explored each of these, people from my past and present appeared, and they were very much part of my journey. For example, my ex-husband who had passed away and not been in my life for quite some time was ‘present’ in my mind. I took it upon myself to do a cord cutting ceremony, “be gone” I said to him, “I cut my cords with you” …… but his presence remained.
It took about two years for me to realise that no amount of cord cutting or wishing and praying would have changed the situation, the fact was, he had left a sum of money to my two sons in his will. Unfortunately, he never registered his will and so there was a very long and drawn-out court process to have his will recognized. And as long as that process took, his ‘presence’ would be there. Pushing me to do what was needed to get things finalized. I tried and tried to speed it along, to be done with it, to close this chapter of my life. But the universe had other ideas. In the time it took for the courts to make their decision, I had to face my past. I had to learn WHY these loose ends were there, WHY it was taking so long, WHY his presence was hanging around – and the most amazing thing I realised was that it was less to do with me and more to do with my Youngest Son and how he was processing the death.
By the time the estate was finally administered, this chapter in my life truly and permanently closed. Nothing I tried along the way would have changed anything, the process took as long as it took - and this was a perfect lesson for me in coming to understand “the timing wasn’t right” and that patience really is a virtue!
What does this have to do fertility you may ask…… The answer is: EVERYTHING!
(Amongst other things) I had to clear past ties with my ex-husband, I had to see the gift that relationship gave me, my son needed to work through his Dad’s death, my mother-in-law needed to face her own past fears - and until all of these things happened, and aligned, the rest couldn’t flow.
Fertility is energy flow. Energy is anything and everything. You’ll be surprised (once you start looking), to see where your energy is flowing. Once you find it, you can harness it and guide it to the places you truly want it to flow to. Everyone you encounter, past, present and future influences your energy flow. The key is knowing this and learning to guide it.
Pop a comment in the feedback section below to let me know who your village is!
Contact me for a one-on-one support session to explore this in more detail!
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